Trap

S talked me out of my long-time self-trap. She was right. I have to escape from the very moment that has trapped my soul in the earthquake that night.

I seemed to see myself who keep sitting alone helplessly in the dark.

From this day on, I swear to myself I have to escape from that I at that moment, nay, not only so, but also to transform and transcend the former self to become tougher and stronger in soul and body.

Learn to be a man and a father. Only thus can I fight against the destiny to protect and support those whom I love most.

May I be given and granted the strength needed, to love S for the rest of my life because she’s always by my side whenever I need her.

921

In a few seconds , for the first time, I seemed to meet death face to face. Sheer fear, pure shivering. holding S’s hands, feeling her heart pondering as mine, I thought we might never make it.

For a moment, I imagined ceiling falling down on us and the ground sinking far away under our feet. I knew this might be our last chance to feel so close and intimate to each other. quite tragic. I should have had spent more time with the one i love most, instead of squandering life on those trivialities.

The only thing that brought me consolation was the fact that at least we can die together without the need of suffering that unbearable loss of the one you love most for the rest of a pale and painful life.

But the sheer, pure, and inexplicable fear shattered this last tiny piece of relief and turned all the possible abstract thoughts or feelings into the most concrete and the most animal-like level of bodily movement: shivering, unstoppable shivering.