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In a few seconds , for the first time, I seemed to meet death face to face. Sheer fear, pure shivering. holding S’s hands, feeling her heart pondering as mine, I thought we might never make it.

For a moment, I imagined ceiling falling down on us and the ground sinking far away under our feet. I knew this might be our last chance to feel so close and intimate to each other. quite tragic. I should have had spent more time with the one i love most, instead of squandering life on those trivialities.

The only thing that brought me consolation was the fact that at least we can die together without the need of suffering that unbearable loss of the one you love most for the rest of a pale and painful life.

But the sheer, pure, and inexplicable fear shattered this last tiny piece of relief and turned all the possible abstract thoughts or feelings into the most concrete and the most animal-like level of bodily movement: shivering, unstoppable shivering.