Long Interval

Again, a long interval of interregnum. Can’t believe what I’ve been doing for the past few weeks. June is usually the month when everything in school is approaching its end and, therefore, should have been the time that could afford the luxury of writing journals. Yet I just couldn’t feel any urge strong enough to log myself in to write.

Having felt pretty empty inside during this period. Likely already losing some center of balance that can have myself focused. A lot of school works lying ahead which press on me almost to the limit. I want to write and do something more intimate to that which is inside yet remains unknown even to myself.

How to regain that center of balance will be a pressing problem for me to think of in the days to come. Wish the summer break can stretch itself longer, despite its somehow dire prospect where only exhaustion may prevail. For in that way I might earn myself a bit more time to start from somewhere.

To jump start my own being. Or nothingness.

Future Writing

This afternoon I had a talk with Chi about literature in the future. He said that all revolves around the very single question: cryptography. How does one encode signs into what pattern and how would others decode that pattern to get signs back to what it intends to.

Though some points therein need elaboration, I can see the rationale within.

The question urgent to myself is none other than this: if I want to write, either literary works or works about literature, in what pattern should I encode my signs to keep faithful to my view of literature in the future, and on what would that view of mine predicate itself?

The question is worth one's thoughts for a long time to come. Yet it enthrals me.

Site Down

Last night just before the midnight, there’s power outage in the area lasting for almost 30 minutes. After that, the server stopped running due to some unknown reasons. I worked for over 2 hours to get nowhere. Finally I gave up and went to sleep entirely dissatisfied.

The server is running a few sites one of which is for the students. Whenever there’s such an accident causing disruption of services, I felt burdened by the inconvenience imposed on other people. That is a kind of burden that would dissuade me from continue the public site. Any loss of data or stoppage of services on a personal level is one thing, the same on the public level is quite another. Day by day I cannot but feel the responsibilities imposed on my shoulders to take good care of the server and the data stored therein.

Why the hell am I doing this to make my already busy days more difficult to cope with? I ask myself several times whenever the like accident occurs. Yet I cannot deny that once the server goes back to normal, I feel happy and satisfied again. Probably I am addicted to this wired fantasy and become too sick to get myself out of it.

Well, what the hell. Just do it as long as I can afford it. If one day I cannot go on, there must be some alternative solutions to that.