A Day of No Luck

Today was not my day. A horrible day of no luck at all.

This morning I drove my car for the first regular vehicle check in three years. The sky was overcast. I drove while looking for the exact location of the check point. Then within seconds the car hit upon the tail of a little truck in front. My car was badly damaged, while the truck’s tail only mildly broken. Yet I have to pay for the double damage. The fee on my part, after the price check, has already risen up to around 40,000, not including the check on and fix of the engine if necessary. The fee on the other party is up to now unclear as I’m waiting for the phone call concerning the price. It’s like waiting for the final conviction.

I dare not imagine how much this accident due to my carelessness will cost me at last. My only hope is that the owner of the truck would be kind enough to ask for a reasonable fee. As for the condemnation on my part: aside from the large amount of money to pay, I will suffer for long my having no car to drive and my difficulty, a formidable one, in telling my family the truth.

Really want to cry. Yet no tears. Only blank stares at the void in the air.

One Tooth Unplugged

One tooth has been taken out of my mouth. A big, ugly, and dirty tooth on the surface of which the irremovable yellow-brownish stains from long-period smoking, chewing, and tooth-decaying encircle.

A miniature of my life already passing by. Rugged. Badly curved. Deeply holed. Far from being lovable.

Being Weightless

eMule v0.45b Statistics

Runtime: 67 days 1:47 Hours
Transfer Time: 66 days 17:34 Hours (99.5%)
Upload Time: 66 days 17:31 Hours (99.5%)
Download Time: 57 days 1:06 Hours (85.0%)
Total Server Duration: 66 days 8:28 Hours (98.9%)

Downloaded Data: 66.57 GB
Download Sessions: 57033
Total Overhead (Packets): 3.68 GB (61.81M)

Uploaded Data: 107.86 GB
Upload Sessions: 172405
Total Overhead (Packets): 4.44 GB (78.89M)

It's already been over 2 months. The existence in the meantime can be said of the ecstasy of information overload at best, and of unbearable weightlessness and mental blankness at worst. For over 2 months, my being seems transfixed by the endless flow of bits and bytes in to and out of the computer, by the vast and boundless sea of informational exchange. It is all about share. Yet is it? What is this emptiness inside that would surface time and again even after the great joy of successfully getting the target files following the long wait? Watching the incessant change of figures, numbers, and statistics of the data transfer, one cannot help shuddering at the ecstasy of overloaded information. One at the same time cannot avoid tasting the bitterness of an existential modality that keeps losing its weight. Is this one way to be free? To be free or merely to feel free? Or there's no difference in between? To feel free and to be anxious about being thus. The difficulty of living!