Worn Out

Worn out by drafting a conference agenda assigned to me by the department faculty. It’s quite unbelievable when I was first informed that I got to do the job since my first notes sent to the committee had earned unanimous approval.

Somehow this looks a bit ridiculous to me. First, we had a meeting discussing on the agenda. Then we decided that each would write personal notes to pool together later for further discussions to finalize details. As the coming conference will be national in scale, I thought that I should think hard enough to protect and preserve the reputation of our department. However, it seems that I was the only one who really thought so and worked hard to take the notes seriously. Then the consequence is obvious enough. The whole load of agenda drafting fell on my shoulder. I had to complete the draft in both Chinese and English.

I started working on it from last night till early morning today. Almost 8 hours to finish it. Again, don’t know if I’m too dumb or what. Though not without certain discontent, I still could not let it go in a way not to my satisfaction. I simply could not draft a lousy copy to hand it out.

Writing sometimes looks like a curse. You cannot ignore it and turn away your face from it so easily, no matter whether the writing is an imposed assignment or a voluntary work. Once you start writing, the work done will bear a mark of your own being (which has nothing to do with a name alone). You just cannot see your existence being wasted like that. So you will be cursed to put all your life into it, to re-live yourself in your own writing.

It’s destiny.